I accidentally had phone sex last night
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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