I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
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