when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
We smell like vodka and hangover
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
Randomize
