I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
sarcasm needs its own font
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
