I have demons in me.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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