Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
