he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Randomize
