Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
