After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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