I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
I'm at about main and main street
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
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