You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
