mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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