Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
