I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
