I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
