is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Randomize
