I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
