I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
No subtext here. People are naked.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Randomize
