She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
i just sent this text using only my big toe
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
