end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
