alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
