Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
