Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
