but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
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