And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
