i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
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