i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
