I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
