Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
