it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
