and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Randomize
