trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Randomize
