I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
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