god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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