I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
He is an equal opportunity slut.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
