Heybabeimwearingurpanties
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
