I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
You need a sexual gate keeper
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
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