please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
And then the night went full on bisexual.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
