i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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