Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
We have started to decorate penises.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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