I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
