its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
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