your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
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