My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Is Oprah even human
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
