who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Randomize
