Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
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