...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
