Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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