I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
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