that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
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